Here we go, blind auditions part 5!
Chloe, The Chain. Psych-rocker, whatever that might be, in love with Miley, quit school to be in a band. Singing too low, her low notes are so mannered. When she started singing higher, Blake and Miley turned around, followed by Jennifer. She’s from Nashville, Miley is from Nashville. She’s a psych-rocker, Miley says she’s psych too. Jennifer says she’s sassy and so is she, and they could put their sass together. Miley says their voices are alike so she can pick songs for her, Jennifer says she knows what it’s like to have to forge your own way, Blake is just letting them fight it out. For some reason, Miley starts talking about all of her animals, and Jennifer says that she has three dogs, Oscar, Grammy and Dreamgirl. Blake says she knew she’d drop the Oscar at some point. Blake says that she could go to the finale and let’s do this thing. Chloe starts to cry. Of course she goes with Miley, we knew this was happening. Miley says they are the same person, and there’s a shot of the two of them together and they look exactly alike.
Then there was a Target commercial starring the winner of The Voice Season 10, which is a little sad. Here’s the best of what you have to look forward to, contestants!
Olivia, Ghost. 13 years old, 4’11”, a twin, they show a YouTube video of her at God only knows what age, but she looks about eight, singing Rollin’ in the Deep in a huge voice, and she sang the national anthem when Blake was inducted into the Oklahoma hall of fame, and she shows a snapshot of the two of them. I think that Miley can do all kind of backflips and she won’t get her. She’s also starting out too low and strained, like Chloe did. Nobody turns. They all fall over dead when she says she’s 13. Adam tells her to keep at it, Jennifer says when she gets control over her voice nobody will be able to get in her way, Blake says in one year she’ll be 100% better and she’s already great. Blake signs her picture.
Dennis, She Talks to Angels. 6’8”, the weather up here is fine, people don’t dust on top of their fridges, plays guitar for Adam Wakefield, the runner up of Season 10, so apparently it’s Season 10 Day here at The Voice. He wants to be on Team Adam. His dad says that he worked in the steel mill for forty years and his goal was for none of his kids to be in the steel mill, and then he starts to tear up, and now we all love Dennis’ dad. Adam turns instantly, probably because of the guitar, because he hadn’t sung anything interesting yet. Blake turns. Adam is annoyed that Blake turned. Blake is working hard, but I think Adam is going to get him. Adam and he start talking geeky guitar talk, but he picks Blake anyway!
Ignatious, Latch. He won The Voice Season 12 Snapchat which I didn’t know was a thing, because I am 53 years old, so he was invited to the blinds this year, also he is an ordained minister. After all this, I sure hope he gets on a team, it would be pretty embarrassing if he doesn’t. About halfway through he breaks out the falsetto and finally, Jennifer turns, then Blake. Adam didn’t turn when Ignatious was his Snapchat guy, so that’s a little bit of a shame there, but he says that he had his heart broken at the last audition and was not turning around in protest, but he would help him make the right decision, i.e. Jennifer. Jennifer says that he sang into her soul. Blake said for him to come home, which is another of his big guns, but he chooses Jennifer.
Rebecca, Believer. From outside Lansing, MI, shows us on her hand, nannying in Chicago. She is wearing a great fur jacket and a horrible split skirt. She’s singing the hell out of it, but nobody is turning, and then Blake turns at the last possible second so that nobody would submarine him.
Brandon, Georgia on My Mind. 19 year old violin teacher at Harlem School of the Arts, he wants to work with Jennifer. Adam turns after the first phrase. At the end of the song, Blake and Jennifer turn around. Adam says that he has subtlety, nuance and soul, Jennifer says she hears Donny Hathaway and Brandon says that he is one of his favourites. Jennifer says that Adam always lays across his chair begging and Blake always points at himself and then composure pictures appear in the back of the stage of them doing their things across the seasons. As producer-lead bullshit goes, it’s certainly better than the ventriloquist dummies that Alicia came out with last season. Jennifer is pulling out all the stops, Brandon’s mother yells from the sidelines for him to go with Adam and do something new. And then he does go with Adam, because he’s a nice boy who listens to his mother. Jennifer is shocked.
Nathan, Nobody to Blame. He looks like a famous bearded black basketball player, dresses like a ‘70s pimp, taking his sommelier test, teaches at the School of Rock. He is a. Maze. Ing. Turn around, you bastards! Nobody does. I hate these motherfuckers. They said he growled more than he sang. Whatever. I’m pissed. I’m going to bed.
Okay, it’s the next day. I’m as over it as I’m ever going to be.
Adam tells Blake the interrupting cow joke. They are running out of material after thirteen seasons.
Whitney, Hold On We’re Going Home. Her first cassette was Hansen, she might remember how to sing Mmm Bop, she does not remember how to sing Mmm Bop, grew up singing in the church (presumably not Mmm Bop) and Christian bands, the music business in LA is a rat race, apparently, so she had panic attacks and had to go home. I like her. Adam and Miley turn simultaneously. Miley is proud to say she is the first person in Voice history to have an all-female team, she doesn’t mention that this is because all the dudes turned her down. She picks Adam.
Ilianna, New Soul. Her dad is an FBI agent and is very suspicious of any of her boyfriends, used to do gymnastics, missing her high school graduation to be here. Quirky voice, possibly a little too quirky. I’m not sure. Blake and Miley turn. Seriously, Miley, turn on your own sometimes! (I know it seems like I’m dragging Miley, but I really love her is why I want her to grow a spine) Blake says he could hear her smile while she was singing, Miley says she is named Miley because she smiles so much! An 18 year old non-country singing girl is going to choose Miley, I know it, Miley knows it, Blake knows it, everyone knows it. And she does.
And now another montage of people of whom we are not seeing the whole performance:
Katrina, Kozmic Blues, Team Miley
Natalie, If it Hadn’t Been for Love, Team Blake
Ryan, Body Like a Back Road, Team Blake
Meagan, Can’t Feel My Face. A marvelous character with the hair and the clothes and the earring and the glasses, she doesn’t settle because of her son, she want to show the coaches everything that she has and give it the best that she’s got. If they don’t turn for her I’m going to have to turn off the TV and go to bed, and it’s 4.21p, so someone had better turn. Thank you, Jennifer! Miley says she wants a t-shirt with her face on it. They all say they didn’t turn around because she belonged on Team Jennifer. They are correct.
John, Versace on the Floor. Plays piano and trumpet, wanted to learn to sing after seeing Whitney Houston in The Preacher’s Wife, dances too while singing, but smartly says that when he auditions he will only concentrate on singing. Very quickly, everyone but Miley turns, probably because she has decided to stick with her all-female team. But then she decides not to steal a four chair turnaround from this dude and hits her button with his shoe. Jennifer says that she didn’t feel like she was an his audition, she felt like she was at his concert, Adam says he’s like Prince, Miley says that her jeans are bedazzled, too! I love Miley. Blake says he was struck speechless. Miley said that she waited because she wanted to make sure that she loved him, Adam said he loved him right away. His Mom is screaming in the back, so they have her come out. He picks Adam, which is a surprise, because Jennifer was really pushing it!
One more set of blinds to go!