Blind Auditions Part 3, gotta catch up! Two shows behind!
It starts out with the coaches taking a ride around the lot in a golf cart with donuts and singing Achy Breaky Heart, and I think somebody has been watching too much Carpool Karaoke, but it’s pretty charming. This is what makes the show work, the extreme likability of almost everyone who’s ever been on the show whose name doesn’t rhyme with Vristina Vaguilara.
And now the contestants.
Adam, Midnight Rider. Nashville session singer with a very sweet wife and baby, and we’re all rooting for him instantly. Of course, he’s first, so he’s getting on a team. Thanks, predictability! They are all sitting there, waiting for Blake to hit his button, which he does with gusto! Adam is begging Miley and Jennifer to hit their buttons, but Jennifer waits until the last second. She’s telling him that he’s got the country down, but it was the soul that made her turn around. To the shock of absolutely nobody, he chooses Blake. I don’t know, if I were a country singer I’d feel like I might get lost on Blake’s team.
Hannah, Starving. 18 years old, esthetician, brother killed himself last year. Everyone but Miley turns around right away. Adam tells her to be smart and go on his team, so he’s trying to be Blake. Blake calls her sister, which is one of his big brother tricks. Jennifer tells her that she has lived her life, but Adam gets her.
Shilo, Stay With Me Baby. Her dad is a seventh generation cantor, and she explains that he’s like a priest, but he sings and is Jewish and I’m like, really? Who do these producers think is watching this show, people who are wondering where her horns are? Sheesh! Most people know what a cantor is, The Voice, Catholics have them too, but we could mostly figure out that he was Jewish from the fact that he was singing in Hebrew at the top of the video package, and you showed a picture of him wearing a tallit, and seriously? YOU DON’T ALSO NEED TO MAKE THAT POOR GIRL EXPLAIN THAT HER DAD IS JEWISH! She is a touring musician who is her own manager and booking agent, so she is a hustler. She is also in third position, and the third person usually doesn’t get on a team. Sorry, Shilo! I think she has a pretty strong voice, if a little mannered. The judges mostly make, “Eh, pretty good,” faces, but Miley and Jennifer literally waited for the last half second to turn. Yay! Her throat is so dry that Adam ran up and gave her a drink. Jennifer tells her that her voice is so unique that they practically forgot to turn around. She had said before the show that she would pick Jennifer, but she picked Miley because they have similar voices. Miley says she’s going to put 14,000 humidifiers in Shilo’s room right now.
Samantha, Something’s Got a Hold on Me. Hispanic, 16 years old, her dad reminds her that she said she was going to be on The Voice five years ago when she was eleven. She sang for the Obamas six times. She has a good voice, but she doesn’t have as much control as she will have when she’s older, and hits several clunkers. Nobody turns. Adam says she has a ton of potential, Blake says that she was overthinking, Jennifer says that she wasn’t hitting the low notes with as much power as she hit the top notes. Everyone tells her to come back. I think she’ll come back in two years and have a four chair turn.
Noah, Way Down We Go. 17 years old, never been away from home before, besides summer camp and then his mom had to pick him up early. His hair has definitely been inspired by Justin Bieber. His father starts to weep, saying that he is made out of music. They first found he could sing when he was eight years old and sang at his sister’s funeral. Okay, he better get on a team with that story. Wow. He is really really good. Turn around, you idiots. Thank you, Jennifer. She turns, then Blake. Miley tells him that he’s hot, Blake tells her that she’s going to jail. He picks Blake. So far, he might be my choice to go all the way.
Davon, Me and Mrs. Jones. From Baltimore, amazing hair, worship leader, big personality, what a guy. I hope he doesn’t get on Jennifer’s team because of the similar wonderful worship leader (also drag queen), Chris, from episode one, because then the first thing she will have to do was a get rid of one of them. But she’ll throw a shoe and she’ll get him and then that’s the end of the line for either him or Chris. We’ll see how psychic I am, my guess is, pretty psychic. He has a wonderfully androgynous voice. Instant four chair turnaround, Adam first, but that won’t help him. Jennifer throws her shoe. Adam stands up and says he’ll sit down if he’s not picked. They all say he’s going to the finale. Yeah, if Chris doesn’t go, he’ll go, because there can be only one. Devon says that he lives for Jennifer. Adam, just sit down, you don’t have a chance. Jennifer and Devon bond over their love of Whitney Houston and the Bodyguard soundtrack, and Miley throws in that her godmother, Dolly Parton, wrote I Will Always Love You, but Jennifer isn’t letting her get away with that shit and she and Devon sing it together, and really, everyone can just relax. You didn’t have a chance before this moment, you have even less of a chance now. Blake tells him that his specialty is winning the show, and Devon will win with him. He goes with Jennifer, obviously. Bye, Chris. Of course, he’ll probably get stolen, so hopefully they can both stay, even though they are so alike, they are both astonishing.
Whoever next won’t be chosen because it’s time.
Kathrina, Big White Room. From the Philippines, big family, started singing at two, musical theatre major, parents wanted her to be a pharmacist, but they support her singing. Good voice, but nothing that special. She’s over-singing. Jennifer and Blake turn at the last second. Jennifer thinks she’s the only turn, and is shocked to find that Blake turned, too. She’s a big fan of Jennifer, she saw her on Broadway in The Color Purple, Blake probably doesn’t have a chance. And he didn’t.
Damn, now they are starting that thing they do when they show only a sliver of people’s auditions and I really hate that! I want to see who people are!
They are:
Alexandra, Wildest Dreams, team Jennifer.
Eric, Ooh Child, team Jennifer.
Anna Catherine, I Could Use a Love Song, team Blake.
Addison, Jolene. 16 years old, friends with my friend Yvette, so I’m totally rooting for her! Alternative folk? My favourite! Be awesome, Addison! Adam turns, then of course Miley does, because Jolene. Jennifer waffles, but doesn’t turn. Blake urges her to go with Miley, Adam says she’s the most talented girl of her age practically ever on the show, and he’s her biggest fan. Miley says that she also had a voice too grown up for herself when she was sixteen, Addison said they thought she was a boy because of her voice when she was little, and Adam says they thought he was a girl! Adam’s really working it, and I think she should go with him, but I think she’s leaning towards Miley. She does, Miley barely had to try for this one.
Adam, Hot Blooded. Auditioned last season, but hit too many clunkers. Have they ever had anyone come back on who screwed it up twice? I don’t think so. Adam and Miley turn simultaneously. He does a lot of hair singing, which is appropriate for this song. He tells Adam that he told him to come back, and Adam (coach) said, “So I’ve been coaching you since last season!” Blake urges him to go with Miley, but he picks Adam. There was no way that wasn’t going that way.
Miles, My Cherie Amor. Played piano by ear at the age of five, break dancer, now also plays sax, drums, trumpet and tuba. I love that he plays tuba. Here’s the thing, if he dances too much during his audition, he’ll get out of breath and not get choosen. Remember, Miles, it’s a singing audition! Okay, he’s not singing a dancing song, so that’s good, but his voice sounds breathy and not full. Nobody turns. Adam tells him to work and come back and everyone will turn around. Jennifer tells him that he has to nail the melody and that Stevie Wonder is hard to sing.
Moriah, Crazy on You. 16 years old, hard rocker, guitar player. Before, with Miles, Jennifer said that Stevie Wonder is hard to sing, but frankly, freakin’ Ann Wilson is almost impossible to sing, she’s like Janis in that you will always be thinking, “Well, she’s good, but she’s no Ann Wilson.” Not this girl! Miley turns before she even gets to those killer notes, but “sweet flowin’ love” got all the rest to turn. Jennifer says she wants her to be the best she can be, Blake said that God sprinkled extra talent on her, Miley is pulling out that she was singing at her age, Adam says age, shmage, she’s an old soul. Before the show she was saying Adam or Jennifer, but she goes with Miley.