There is a big opening number where they are dancing in the street to "Dancing in the Street," which makes more sense to dancing in the street to "Dancing on the Ceiling." The sports people do sporty things so we know who the hell they are. Basically, it’s Debbie Gibson, Frankie Muniz, Nick Lachley and a bunch of randos. Mark Ballas is back, apparently because the Jersey Boys tour is over. He was very good, I saw him at the Ahmanson! Cheryl is also back, which is nice.
Tom says that the original three judges are back, I haven’t watched for several seasons, so I have no idea who has or hasn’t been there recently, but I’m glad it’s Carrie-ann, Len and Bruno. I remember when Julianne was the fourth judge, I’m fine without that. Only one judge can talk per dance, because they have to fit in thirteen couples in two hours, and I am also fine with that.
Terrell Owens is the football dude, he’s dancing with Cheryl, and he does touchdown dances. He’s about a foot taller than Cheryl. They did the cha-cha to "Ain’t Too Proud to Beg", which was practically the only song I didn't have to ask Siri what it was, and since they edit the songs, Siri was often as confused as I was. They put all of his touchdown dances into the cha-cha, which, I assume, means they don’t think he’ll last long. Apparently he did a heel lead, which is good! Except not in a Latin dance, so it’s bad. Score: 5 - 5 - 5 = 15
Debbie Gibson is all grown up and dancing with some dude named Alan, who is new, and who was born in 1994, so he doesn’t know from Debbie Gibson. Debbie has Lyme disease, so this is difficult for her because of the pain. Go Debbie! I’m rooting for her. They do the foxtrot to "Lost in Your Eyes" by...Debbie Gibson! They are pulling that out early in the season too, her singing to her own song, but at least they didn’t do "Shake Your Love," which they played about ten times in the intro package. Bruno calls her Debbie Allen, and then tells her that she needs to put her shoulders down and arch her back. Score: 6 - 5 - 6 = 17
Sasha Pieterse was on Pretty Little Liars, Gleb is her partner, whom I have never seen before. She’s on the show to lose weight for her wedding. I’m pretty sure there are better ways to do that, but okay. Her parents were professional ballroom dancers, but she doesn’t know how to dance except for shaking her butt. They do the cha-cha to "Like That." The dance is one of those “celebrity stands around and pro dances like crazy” dances that they mostly give to the old men on the show. Carrie-ann thinks she was terrific. I am not under the impression that she will be on long enough to lose much weight for the wedding, but she seems like a nice girl. Score: 6 - 6 - 6 = 18
Drew Scott, apparently a Property Brother (I’ve only ever heard them on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, never seen them, so I'm just going to trust that this is so). He says he can’t dance a bit, he’s also learning for his wedding, this is the new thing? He says he’ll renovate her kitchen if they win. Another foot height difference. They are doing the foxtrot to an extremely horrible cover of "Our House," (though when I look it up it says it’s Madness so I don’t know what’s up with that) which distracted me so totally I have no idea how the dance went. Len says it was terrible. Score: 6 - 5 - 5 = 16
Barbara Corcoran is a shark from Shark Tank, so I have a vague idea who she is. She has Keo, whom she objectifies all over the place and claims she can get thirty years out of if they get married. She seems like a fun person! Many CGI sharks swim around, and they do an extremely terrible, but fun, salsa to Money Maker. Bruno critiques her in his crazy style and she says, “Who is this guy?” I kind of love her. Score: 5 - 4 - 5 = 14
Jordan Fisher, who was in Hamilton, dances with Lindsay, who has been on for three seasons, so I don’t know her. Finally, someone who can dance! I find the ringers on the show to be kind of annoying, but after fife terrible dancers In a row, it’s quite a treat. Carrie-ann entirely agrees with me. They do the tango to "There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back." Score: 8 - 7 - 7 = 22
Apparently, Peta and Maks got married! That’s nice! And they are dancing with Nick and Vanessa Lachley, because Nick isn’t married to Jessica Simpson anymore. Just looked it up, they divorced eleven years ago. On the bleeding edge of culture, is where I am. Nick’s brother won in season two, and Nick says that the best he can do is tie Drew and he has to beat his wife to do it. And then he says it again. I wonder how many times he’ll say it before the end of the season? My guess is three more times. Nick and Peta dance first, a cha-cha to "Come Get it Bae," so not a 98 Degrees song? Either they don’t think anyone will remember the music or they think he’ll last longer than one week and are saving it. They have extra dancers at the beginning, so maybe they thought that was enough nonsense for week 1. They play a clip from 2009 of Nick saying he will never do Dancing With the Stars, so I guess he had higher hopes for his career back then. Score: 6 - 6 - 6 = 18
Vanessa Lachey and Maks are next. She is super silly, I like her a lot. They do the cha-cha to "Woman" with extra dancers, baby carriages and dolls in baby carriers. Bruno is impressed with the fact that it was a proper cha-cha, but she’s dancing with Maks and he’s not putting up with anything less. Score: 7 - 7 - 7 = 21
Erin is comparing the scores between the two couples, Maks says isn’t not about scores, it’s about peace and love and pulls everyone into a group hug. Tom says Maks got married, had a baby, and someone took his personality.
Frankie Muniz, who has grown facial hair from his Malcom in the Middle days, but hasn’t gotten much taller. He is dancing with Witney, who is one of my favourite pros. She says that he is as old as her dad, and I hope that’s a joke, since he’s 31 and she’s older than 10. He’s adorably shy about dancing. They do the foxtrot to "Sign of the Times" and it’s not bad at all. Score: 7 - 6 - 6 = 19
Nikki Bella dances with Artem. She is a wrestler. She bodyslams him in the video package. They do a tango to "So What" and she bodyslams him at the end of the dance. Hopefully they are done with that, or it'll be a long season for Artem. Thirteen couples are a lot of dancers. Score: 7 - 7 - 6 = 20
Derek Fisher is a basketball player and his pro is Sharna. He’s on it because it’s his mom’s favourite show, which is adorable. He tells his parents on FaceTime, and after freaking out, she tells him that Len watches the feet! They start with a million people on the stage and he dribbles a basketball to the beat, then they do a salsa to a song called "Basketball," which was quite good, and not just good for an athlete good, but good good! The scores do not reflect this because apparently, he wasn't so much good as entertaining. Well, he fooled me. Score: 6 - 6 - 6 = 18
Victoria Arlen is an athlete who was paralyzed for a decade and re-learned to walk a year ago, so this is the big feel good cast member, and she also has a big, bubbly personality, and boy do we all want her to do great! She can’t feel her legs, so that’ll be quite an obstacle. She’s dancing with Val, and they do a fun and joyous cha-cha to "Born Ready." Score: 7 - 6 - 6 = 19
Lindsey Sterling, a violinist, is dancing with Mark. They do a bangin’ cha-cha, and thought they did a lot of talking in the package about how she wasn’t a dancer, she is a dancer! She and Jordan are the two dancers to beat this season. Score: 7 - 8 - 7 = 22
Basically, we are off to a good start, there are some very likable people on the show, and I’m only a week behind! I had to watch So You Think You Can Dance and American Ninja Warrior. I wonder if I can catch up before the end of the season? Seeing as its me, unlikely!