Live Semi-Final Performances
Okay, here we go, now is the time for my favourites to be awesome and the ones who seem like lovely people, but who must go so that my favourites can go to the finals, to tank.
Adam, Adam’s Team, “I’m Already There.” It’s a lovely song, and he’s doing it beautifully, but it’s time to go, Adam. Blake says he’s glad he’s choosing his own songs now.
They are also singing duets tonight. They start with Noah and Chloe. Are they trying to test me? My Noah, on my team, one of my faves, with Chloe, whom I actively loathe? They reminisce how they first met in a McDonald’s and his dad was eating a salad. And that’s the whole story. They sing Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game,” and he’s singing it perfectly and she’s making me want to stab myself in the ears.
My Davon, Team Jennifer, “Gravity.” They discuss his being in the Bottom Three last week and how he hit notes that he never has before to stay on the show. He’s doing a male song this time, apparently America doesn’t like that he sings so many songs originated by women. America can suck a dick. That last bit was me, not him. It was entirely splendid, of course. Jennifer says she didn’t throw her shoe because she couldn’t move.
Red, Team Blake, “Go Rest High on that Mountain.” A beautiful song about death. I hope it’s enough for Red. It was lovely. Miley reminds him of how she begged him to be on her team in the blinds instead of Blake’s, and how that was one of the most embarrassing stings she’s ever done, and she’s swung naked on a wrecking ball.
Next duet, Davon and Brooke, “Earned It.” I Want Brooke to leave only because there are only four slots, but they are incredibly super cute together. They sing great, then are immediately followed by them singing “Home for the Holidays” in a Target commercial. What a crazy co-incidence!
Keisha, Team Blake, “What Hurts the Most.” She cries a lot in the package about how much she wants to be Top Four. She sings beautifully, everybody makes a fuss, I don’t care, she has to go.
Next duet, Red and Adam, this is going to be amazing. Red says they are both country as a stick, then Adam tells the what’s brown and sticky joke, then Red says that was so corny you could shuck it, and we all fainted with the cuteness. They sing “Can’t You See,” and it’s country as can be.
Chloe, Team Blake, “I Want to Know What Love Is.” The problem with duets is now I have to listen to Chloe again. This is a super boring song. I think finally Chloe blew it. I have, however, I’ve been wrong before. Blake says, “America, listen to me, if you recorded this, rewind that performance and listen again and tell me that isn’t the most iconic voice we’ve ever had on this show.” Blake, that isn’t the most iconic voice you’ve ever had on that show. Also, “iconic” isn’t a synonym for “good.” Go away, Chloe. You know who has an iconic voice that is also a great voice? Addison. Pardon me while I drop the mic.
Next is the last duet, Addison and Keisha. They perform “Are a you Strong Enough to be My Man.” It is lovely. They then have their Target commercial. Did I miss the other Target commercials? Well, I’m not rewinding.
Noah, Team Jennifer, “River.” He wants to do a big energy song this week, as opposed to the slower, more subtle song from last week. There are eight percussionists on lighted towers all with bass drums. They are doing a lot with multiple percussionists playing the same drum this season, last week it was timpanis begins Shi’Ann, but that turned out to be bad luck. I hope not for Noah! Jennifer is wearing a dress not just with one bare leg and one sleeve, it’s one enormous, Harkonnen sleeve.
My Addison, Team Adam, “Both Sides Now.” Perfect choice. She sings it perfectly. Adam says that she is The Voice, and even more, if she doesn’t win, he doesn’t care. I’m sure she does.
Brooke, Team Miley, “Faithfully.” Miley says that Brooke has sung so many different styles, but not a big rock ballad. Now is not the time to be changing things up, but hey, I said the same thing last week and was totally wrong, so you do you, Brooke. There is fog all over the stage, there are flames shooting in the air, heavens. The producers certainly are making a statement. Miley says that she is the winner of the show. Not while Devon, Addison and Noah live, she’s not.